A "M.D."
Off the Wall, January 14,

We all know the saying concerning Murphy’s Law, “If something is bound to go wrong it will,” or something to the like of that conclusion.

This unfortunately may not be a one time act, but recurrent. Of course, no one wants to think that way.

Good ole “Murph” must have been a real character. Rather than thinking positively of what’s ahead of him, in my opinion, he had more of a negative inclination.

Ask any senior about Murphy’s Law and he will first tell you he has a greater chance of falling into these “sets” of problems than people of the younger generation.

I am one senior who has repetitively experienced a “Murphy’s Day,” or as I like to refer to it as a “M.D.” That could be interpreted either in the singular or plural case.

I have had many “M.D’s.” One day, for example, my morning started out by my tripping over the left leg of my rocking chair, losing my balance and falling into the doorframe in front of me. Praise God, I landed there in the upright position and thus received no injury other than a bit of frustration.

But that was just the beginning.

I made my way to the little room down the hall only to discover it was a bad oxygen day. Those who do not have this problem or know little about it may not be aware the circumstances that surround it. When one (me) suffers from lack of this vital substance that helps prolong life, a number of things happen other than the obvious – a breathing problem. For me, I begin to get that floating feeling, getting that sailing feeling.

It’s a weird sensation. It kind of reminds me of the oldie but goodie done by the 5th Dimension titled, “Up, Up, and Away.” Here they sing about doing so in a balloon. There is no such object attached to me. All of a sudden I find myself feeling no gravitational pull, just as an astronaut would, I guess. Returning to ground zero, I flopped against the wall, not falling. Thank God it was there!

Recomposing myself, I leaned toward the relief station and let my weight carry me in the proper direction. Getting there, I decide to sit a spell.

Then it was off to the kitchen for a cup of brew, peanut butter cup flavored, may I add. I then poured my cereal from its box into a bowl, procured a banana and peeled almost all of it, holding onto one end. Heading over to the waste basket to dispose of the yellow covering, I bent toward it only to have the banana torpedo out of its casing, landing on floor perfectly with the peeled end secured to the linoleum and the other end pointing right toward my nose. I could never do that again. I guess one could say I committed a “M.D. Act (MDA)!”

Sitting down at the table, I decided if I slowed down a bit, I could conquer all these frustrations. Wrong. Eating my meal went off without a hitch. What I didn’t figure on was a “MDA” concerning taking my supplements. The first batch went in as planned. One of the little round balls on the second decided to leave my hand and take flight. Does one have any idea how hard it is to find my probiotic the same color as my flooring? To make matters worse, I had to find it before my son’s dog did. Seniors shouldn’t have to put up with this sort of stress.

Upon lying on the floor eventually eying it, I then could resume with my morning schedule. I returned to my bedroom. The only trouble was when I got there, I forgot why I went into it to begin with, and so I had to go back to the kitchen to remember why I was in the bedroom. Returning, I collected my thoughts and proceeded with my plans.

I decided to make a shopping list. After choosing my plan of attack, I spiffed up a bit, went to the lower level, grabbed my shopping cart and headed toward the market.

After getting there and making my way into the store, it hit me. I left the list behind on my computer stand.

Did the day get better? No, but I’m not going there.

What I will state is this. When M.D.’s occur, don’t curse, etc., laugh. Realize you are presently living in the golden years!

- Paul J. Volkmann
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