Bite! Bite!
Off the Wall, June 20
, 2013

Recently a story was published a little over a month ago called “Teed Off.” One reader told me, “Of all your recent columns, I liked that one the best, so far.” Another fellow told me, “I laughed when I read it and had to share it with my mother.” “You ought to do a story about some of the terms golfers use,” the third person stated.

The following are some exclamations as seen both on TV programs and on courses that sportsmen seem to blurt out after driving their projectiles toward the upcoming greens.

The first “two-worder” that comes to mind is “down, down.” If one was not paying attention, he may think that the orange-panted chap toting a number five metal instrument had his faithful by his side, a brown and tan English pointer.

Another slogan that men like to use (don’t know about the females. Have rarely seen a golf match of competing women) is “Bite! Bite!” I imagine they are trying to tell the golf ball to dig its white-indented rubber coating to slow up biting the ground after thudding against the fairway upon its descent. I guess “chewing” up the golf course fits in here?

In a recent, contested match I watched the expression of a golfer as he peered out from under her forehead-covered visor. All of a sudden he blurted out, “Kick left.” For a minute there, I thought I was watching “Dancing with the Stars.” Why isn’t the guy yelling, “Slice.” Maybe the angle is stronger in kicking than in slicing. How is that for some Pee Vee wisdom?

Wanting to learn more, I Googled to supplement my limited terminology and this is what I found:

I’m sorry; one cannot peal a banana ball. In this case, it has another connotation. “It is a golf slang for a very sharp fade shot known as a ‘slice.’ The ball travels in a ‘banana-shaped’ curve.”

A couple of paragraphs ago, I referred to “Bite! Bite.” I wonder if “Grow Teeth” has similar implications. After all, its definition is “When a golfer begs the ball to stop quickly.” To my way of thinking, that would have a similar implication.

Do golfers like “Fried eggs?” I don’t think it is part of the diet that they desire, to be truthful. “This is a slang term relating to the appearance of a ball buried in a sandtrap. Only the top of the ball is visible, which makes it look like a “Sunny-side-up egg located in the sand.”

Victory laps in track and those of golf are quite different. Referring to the latter, it is “A slang term referring to a putt that rotates around the rim of the cup before actually falling in.”

Here’s a “goody.” The term, “Afraid of the Dark,” refers to “A putted ball which refuses to fall in a hole.”

When a sportsman or woman “putts the ball and it rolls almost all the way around the edge of the cup before actually coming out and around without falling in, it is called a U-turn.” I would re-phrase it an “it-turn.” But then again, our language is screwed up enough as it is; it is best left alone.

Anyone watching me attempt to drive the ball off a tee will quickly realize I’m a wormburner if there ever was one. Since I’m more of an angler than golfer, conclusions may be drawn that what we have here is a fishing term and not that of golfing, but I’m sorry to admit, this term refers a “poorly hit golf shot that never gets but a few feet off the ground.” Whoopee! Best I move on…

I went golfing with a Gertrude-street resident here in Latrobe who has power-packed swings when it comes to golfing. One may call him a rainmaker because he hits his golf balls so high that “they seem to reach the clouds where the rain resides.”

Your partner may be a woman up in her years which has grown very fond of a perfume she feels she must douse over her body. In that case, when you walk by her you may get a whiff of what she is wearing, for your nose knows the essence of Petunia El Bleu. But in golf, whiff has a whole ‘nother meaning. “It is a term to describe the miss of a ball with a very poor golf swing.” Somehow, I get the feeling golf and me wouldn’t go hand in had. I think it’s best I stay away from one of those little white objects!

- Paul J. Volkmann
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