Good Ol' Egg
Off the Wall, January 06
, 2012

Did you ever wonder about things that were so totally “off the wall” that in your mind you couldn’t let on to others that you actually thought about them? Here’s an example:

Take your friend and mine, Humpty Dumpty. Now, as we all know, here was an egg that sat on a wall. Let’s back up a few hours and just try to imagine how this thin-shelled oblong object got up on the concrete-block structure. First of all, my question begins by asking, was this a freshly laid egg or one that was on the way to a market, but rolled out of a basket. Even that would have been a feat in itself. Hey, but leave it HD. Whatta it!

And why would it try to make its way out in the first place. In its travels from the chicken to where it was kept, did Humpty see a couple of cracked shells and anticipate that it may end up that way, too? It’s hard to tell what went through its mind of sorts.

Now, I first have to classify HD as a good ol’ egg. That puts it in a category of many, yet in one all his own when you think about it. I know a good many people that I could classify as good ol’ eggs in my Church, to be specific, but HD can’t be among them for obvious reasons.

Anyway, let’s get back to the story. So, our egg friend rolled away from the clutches of his owner. I can’t use the proper description as “slipped away,” because of self- understood ways. Now, I can see how it went undetected, because one usually doesn’t look for an egg rolling toward any destination. And HD is not a bad egg, so there was no reason in those times to get back to the king and report that a bad egg was on the loose.

Just think if our friend was one of those and an all points bulletin was put out to all the king’s men. Maybe this announcement would be written on parchment to the men of their horses: “Be on the lookout for an egg inching its way toward the stone wall. It is white and its bottom is somewhat bigger than its top. When spotted, be very careful. Do not apprehend physically. If handled at all, it has to be done so with kid gloves. Anyone attempting to capture it must handle it so the shell does not break. Remember, above all things, this egg is all its cracked up to be, so be very careful. If scooped up, return to the palace immediately.”

So, let’s say the egg knows where it is going. Don’t ask me how it knows this other than to say, this knowledge must be transmitted through some gene in the chicken that traveled from the bird to the yoke of the matter.

Now in its travels, HD must be wondering how big this wall is it has to sit upon. After all, it knows it’s going to be an uphill battle from the ground to the top and then another achievement to actually sit up. There is a comforting feeling that the yoke is heavier than the albumen, so if there is adequate movement it will sit up with no trouble whatsoever. The real trick is getting the yolk to move down and the clear stuff to stay up on top.

What still remains in question is, “How long will it really take to find the wall?”

As stated earlier, eggs have a mind of their own. So, it goes without saying, that to occupy the time in transit, to overcome boredom, at least HD has a song to sing whereby all the words are memorized – her again transmitted by a chicken’s gene. If a person was to hide in the weeds and be very quiet, maybe one could hear its song. By the way, some of the words were changed to make it more personal. Here are some of the phrases: “Merrily, I roll along, roll along, roll along. Merrily, I roll along, all the lonesome day.”

Now you have to figure for this egg, it’s by itself, that’s understood. For an egg in the chicken, that’s one thing. But once out of the womb, most eggs would find themselves in comfortable nests, hidden in darkness and kept warm by the rump of its mother. Oh, but not HD. I have to ask, where was the mother during this time? Wasn’t she concerned?

Well, I have some good and bad news to report as well. It made it to the wall – “Phew!” Just then, a one of the king’s men saw it on the ground and carefully placed it up on the wall so nothing would happen to it. HD rolled a bit and than sat up, much to its delight and the gentleman’s surprise. However, it was a short stay. It fell off the wall and met its demise – after all that trouble. It had a short “eggistance.” I have one question. I know the king’s men couldn’t put it back together, but their horses doing it? – Give me a break…

- Paul J. Volkmann
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