High Tech
Off the Wall, September 11,

While getting ready to talk to the Lord in prayer a couple of months ago in church, I overheard a woman’s voice only to turn around and see her talking to someone on a cell phone. She stated, “Hi, how are you?” in an outspoken manner. I was rather disturbed about the whole thing.

Then it hit me. Could it be that she had a cell phone number that was in direct connection with our Lord? After all, I’m sure by now someone has figured out how to concoct such a gizmo whereby one can talk directly to Jesus Christ in heaven using such a system anyway, particularly in church, Lord forbid!

Using such a device wouldn’t be difficult. Either God would call us or we, Him. We communicate with friends the same way, right?

Jesus Christ would still be the intercessor and take all requests to God. So, when she said, “Hi how you,” there is no doubt in my mind that she had to be talking to our Savior who receives petitions and passes them on to God. He is our ‘go-to’ Man, in a manner of speaking, when people need a little help.

I have to tell you I am old school, a traditionalist by all means of the word and one who believes in peace and quiet while discussing matters with our heavenly Father in a quiet atmosphere. It’s easier to talk and listen, if you know what I mean.

Instead of being depressed over the whole situation, I thought I’d better put my thoughts in order and be excited that this middle-aged woman was actually speaking to our Creator.

I then heard a gentleman’s voice soon thereafter. Again, I turned to see four parishioners sitting in the same location toward the back of the church. All were talking rather loudly prior to the beginning of Mass.

Here again, I could only assume that the woman who had communicated with Jesus was first in line and the others were talking among themselves just who would be next. No need to kneel on a kneeler or better yet, on the floor. Due to this ‘high-tech’ form of communication, one cell phone is all that was needed. If each had few petitions, the conversations with God would be short and in a matter of no more than eight minutes ( roughly two minutes per person), that is all that was required.

Even though I maintained my bended knee approach, I figured out we all have to do what we have to do. After all, who am I to tell anyone that we have to talk to the Almighty a particular way? That would certainly fall under the jurisdiction of being judgmental and I sure ain’t going that route!

After leaving church, I couldn’t stop thinking about this experience. The first words that came out of my mouth were, “Praise be to God. Someone makes a cell phone whereby one can talk to God. How great is that, now tell me?

On the way home, I decided in transit that I would Google something and see somehow if I could come up with the name of this unit so, by chance, I could also lay my hands on this piece of equipment that I could talk to our Lord.

After getting home, I followed through with my plans. There were websites, books and inspirational literature all on going to heaven but nothing outstanding. One telephone website stated that they had every phone out there. I guess I could have logged on and searched for that desired unit, but since nothing came up directly, I let it go.

The closest website I did find was LineForHeaven.com. I found it was “A social networking website for people who are religious and want to go to heaven.” Swell. Not exactly what I was looking for, but close. One had to be out there if the parishioner was using one, right? If I would have put some thought into it during Mass, I would have asked her afterwards what the name of the phone was so I could get one, too.

Do you think if I Googled ‘Grace Cellphones,’ something of positive nature would come up? Sounded like a good name for this device. Talk about sound, what kind of ring would one hear?
My conclusion – the opening to the hymn, ‘Here I am, Lord.’

Think I’ll just stick to the old way. That way, I won’t disturb anyone.

- Paul J. Volkmann
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