Full of Love
Off the Wall, June 25,

I’ve been told there are over 150,000 denominations of the Christian faith. In addition, according to David Barrett, et al, the Word Christian Encyclopedia: A comparative survey of churches and religions – AD 30 to 2200, from a website, www.religioustolerance.org states, “There are 19 major world religions which are subdivided into a total of 270 large religious groups and many smaller ones.”

When one looks at those figures, it is clear to see that there are many people worldwide who look to a deity to worship, praise and offer thanksgiving.

If I were to ask any number of my readers to name three religions right off the top of their heads (stupid saying – one can only think from within his head. When one starts casting thoughts from on top of his head, look out. We all could be in trouble), Christianity, Hinduism and Judaism might come to mind. As for any others, if I’ve heard tell of a few more, I may recognize their names, but know very little about that which they believe. Here again, I am sure readers may add a few more than I revealed.

Not many people, in my opinion, know of and can recall all the religions of the world. So, if I were to mention the Kahoota persuasion, would one know where to find that? My guess would be, “No.”

Their philosophy is somewhat different than Christians. Yes, they believe in God, but I’m not sure if they also lean toward the Trinity.

Here is some of their doctrine.

First, they believe in loving everyone and everything. Man, woman, child and beast.

Second, they must bow down to God upon sunrise and pray that He will treasure their deeds, and do the same upon sunset thanking Him for the blessings of the day.

Third, all women must dress appropriately, with dresses shoulder high and one foot below the knees. At no time are they to reveal any part of their person other than their arms, hands and below the dress line exposing legs, ankles and feet.

Fourth, all men should wear shirts and pants held comfortably snug against one’s person.

Fifth, no woman is allowed to marry a significant other until she has reached 21.

Those are just some of the rules that stood out with which I can comply if I put my heart into it.

Here are some more.

Sixth, one cannot eat grapefruit and pineapple during the same meal of the Great Bahoota (another name for God).

Seventh, children must worship Him by lying on their back pointing hands and feet in His direction.

Eighth, at noon one may seek the highest mountain and stand atop it raising hands to the heavens and singing praises to their creator.

Ninth, people recognize that either sex can be born both heterosexual and homosexual. At no time do the Kahootans ever consider homosexuals or lesbians anything less than equal to each other.

And tenth, children participate in a ritual similar to Ring around the Rosie, where they will grasp each other’s hands and circling the altar chanting “hoot,” “hoot,” “hoot,” to music played by worshippers. When the music stops, they all fall down. Legends have it that God in the heavens knows their heartfelt emotions when they give a ‘hoot’ about Him that rises above the mountains.

So what is so special about this sect of this cult (defined, a cult is any type of organized religion, just as Methodists, Presbyterians and Baptists are all cults) one may ask?

First of all, I don’t feel acts of intimidation that may cultivate among Christian denominations.

Second, it doesn’t matter how many Kahootans there are or where their churches may be located. It goes without saying that I would sense love wherever I went to worship and know there would no uneasiness as I would feel welcome wherever I went.

Third, as a homosexual or lesbian, I know I could worship God freely with members lovingly greeting me and praising the Almighty, the Creator of the universe and everything on and in it.

By the way, isn’t that what Christian churches teach – that we should be loving to one another and not be condescending to the point that human beings don’t feel welcome at worship services? It’s come to that in some denominations I sense.

Any church that has the love that the Kahootas have will draw people.

Oh, and by the way, don’t Google them. Their name is fictitious.

- Paul J. Volkmann
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