No Idea
Off the Wall, September 22,

Hurt. It is something we’ve had to deal with at one time or another in our lives. Sometimes, it’s because a loved one left us for another. Another time, we may have been called a derogatory name, and third, it’s that someone took something away from one or physically destroyed something special that one had grown to love.

I bet there isn’t one person who reads my columns who hasn’t experienced one of the above. I have.

Heated discussions or verbal disagreements can get out of hand, as one knows, and before long, expletives will be mouthed and it’s a done deal. Hurt results.

Imagine if someone spent years building something for someone and then giving it to a deserving recipient. The person treasures the gift, looking at it and realizing it was created lovingly with skillful hands. One day one comes upon it and finds that it has been destroyed beyond repair.

What emotion enters the mind? Very seldom does one remain calm and say to oneself, “Oh look, my wonderful gift has been destroyed. I might as well seek a garbage bag to discard it.”

We human beings, at least most of us, aren’t created that way. There are chemicals, or hormones, or whatever one wishes to call them, that cause an adrenalin rush to do one of several things – scream, shout expletives, or display anger.

The first thing that would enter our mind, I believe, would be, “Why would anybody do this to me? Do they know how much I loved this (whatever is was)?”

That’s when the ‘no idea’ factor enters in. Did the person causing hurt have any idea how this would affect another? Think about that for a minute.

I have come to the conclusion that there are various types of people in this world that set out to cause hurt and have grown so callus to it that it doesn’t affect them, but it certainly does a number on others.

I am reminded of an old girlfriend I had in Ohio. When I met Zelda, it was almost love at first sight. We dated, and then she told me how much she loved me. I eventually felt the same for her. My expressions were genuine. Hers were not as I came to find out at a later point in our relationship.

She asked me one day if I would drive her to see her mother 50 miles away. I agreed. We made plans and the day went very nicely. Upon returning to her apartment, she got out of my car and entered another nearby where a male driver was waiting. They quickly drove off. I was left sitting there stunned, or should I say hurt.

“Did I continue the relationship?” one may ask. One may be amazed, but I did, with unconditional love. That is a necessary component of a partnership. Did she have any idea how I felt? Not only did she not care, but also gave it no thought, whatsoever.

These are the times one turns to God and asks for strength.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I had to move to Pennsylvania. That severed our relationship. I like to think she felt God’s touch through my love regardless of what she did to me.

Recently, I got hurt over something that meant something to me. I have told the story to some, but I’ll remain vague, other than to say there is nothing I can do about it now other than look back and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that God created something very special for me and now it is gone, destroyed and discarded.

A matter of fact, this was the second creation He had given me as a very special gift. I realized His hand in it when I saw it. The amazing thing is others didn’t. But I knew otherwise. Everyday I marveled when I saw it, thanking and praising Him.

When it was destroyed, I felt the knife enter my heart, turning and cutting. It was painful. In this second creation, I felt God’s love extended to me like branches on a tree. As the tree was nurtured, more growths reached toward their Creator in heaven.

The person doing such harm had no idea as to the hurt it was causing, but didn’t care.

It’s so important to discuss the situation and reach a settlement over disagreements as opposed to being apathetic and disrespecting others, of consequence, establishing extreme anguish.

- Paul J. Volkmann
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